Anxiety seems very common in people with hypermobility…..there are lots of reasons why.
But one core idea that resonates with me is that we know anything can make our condition worse and we have no control over our wonky bodies. We are generally in pain and tired all the time, we are functioning at the edge of our limitations most of the time. We need to plan ahead to make life function and live a normal live. We don’t know if our body will suddenly get injured and cause more pain.
I try to live a full life; work, study, friendships. The only way I function is by mentally planning my week in advances. Stuff needs completing in times allotted or I struggle to cope and keep on top of everything. This doesn’t mean I can’t and won’t make last minutes changes if needs be. Especially if a friend or family member is in need -I would and frequently do under go additional effort and face the consequences without a thought.
But for routine events I need to know in advance of changes. I work and function great when I know we’re I stand.
Linked to this, the anxiety means I have little self esteem. I can quite easily understand people wanting to not spend time with a dysfunctional person.
It’s really hard for me to confide and reach out to people. If I’ve made an effort to be friendly it means I think you are a nice person. If you’ve shown me you want to spend time with me and I’ve got over the shock of this I will slowly start to trust you more. But this takes a lot of courage. When people are distracted for all sorts of reasons, often illness or demands of life, my black dog is liable to make me worry I’ve done something wrong.
I know this is stupid which doesn’t make me feel any better. I am actually good at reading emotions except when things like this are concerned. I can tell something is up but I may struggle to work out why…and act logically.
My best friends, whom is amazing, I know is busy in term time with work or family, I know we meet in the hols and that’s fine. I know the parameters. I also know she’s there for me if I really need her.
Actually, I say this and I wonder why people might want to be my friends. But I also think despite my faults I am a good friend. I’m loyal and caring and kind. I would do anything for my family and friends.
I know what it’s like to be tired, overstretched, sad, stress, unsure and in pain. I go through that most of the time. I never ever would want to make things worse for anyone and will want to try and help. I know that often a lot can not be done. But just having people check your okay can help.
During a very difficult period last year I felt crap physically and emotionally and wanted to withdraw. I didn’t want to socialise. But people did what they could to help. The fact so many people, were so nice helped in a way.
I can be an amazing person and friend when I know were I stand and what’s going on. You might on occasions have to bare with me and my wobbles (for which I am sorry). But likewise my family and friends mean the world to me and I’ll always be there to have a laugh or cry and to try to help in my own unique and well intended (if not always helpful) way.