Falling apart again….

Debbie Fisher caught her foot on a snare
She turned and had a nasty knee tear
She gave an almighty swear
And now her knee can not weight bare

Debbie Fisher rested her knee
She did all that could be
Yet,all the doctors, physio and restee
Couldnt repair her knee

My version of humpty dumpty. Apologises for the shocking ‘rhymes’

Trying to cheer myself up as you must laugh or cry. 😱

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Happy Christmas

The modern Christmas celebrations are strange if you think about them. They are combination of Christain, pagan and consumerism merged into an emphasis on family time, food, drink and Santa.

This in itself is not necessary a bad thing. The thing I enjoy about the Christmas Holidays is having time to catch up with friends and family. And presents can show love and care.

The have always loved the books of Louisa Alcott, her Chrsitmas stories are coy and slightly didactic. Yet, the emphasis on being happy and cheerful, helping and being good to others, showing friendship and kindness, and giving love throughout the year, are heartening.

So I wish everyone a happy christmas period, no matter how they spend their holidays. May you have rest, peace, kindness, love and contentment over the festive period and throughout the years ahead.

Happy Yuletide

Midwinter, the shortest day of the year, has long been celebrated, especially in northern climates with their long, dark winters.

It’s a recognition that the worst of the darkness is past and that we are heading slowly towards the return of warmth, light and hope.

It’s also a time for celebrating with friends and family, a time of plenty and fun, to recharge and prepare for the difficult times that will lay ahead. Spring marks the return of life but it is also the traditional time of hard work and limited resources as winter supplies run low and the new harvest has yet to appear with the abundance of summer.

Christmas was adopted by the Christain forefathers in the 4th century to combine the celebration of the birth of Christ with the older and varied pagan traditions.

The traditions and celebrations of this time of year are varied and great. Yet, they all celebrate surviving the long dark period; hope for the future; love and kindness; family and friendships.

It has been a difficult few months for me and my family. Yet, we have survived the darkness and although battles lay ahead, this is a chance to recharge, rest and spend time with love ones.

So I wish everyone joy, peace, health, happiness, understanding and kindness as we look to the light and warmth of spring.

Happy Yuletide. Dawn and all its beauty is on the way.

Onwards and upwards….

Let’s just say it hasn’t been the best of weeks. Assignments due, unexpected ofsted visit and very tired and in lots of pain. Not sure which joint doesn’t hurt :-/

I knew I had to keep going during the event but can’t actually remember Tuesday afternoon, I managed to teach three hours after the observation but my memory is blank…..the students tell me we still covered a lot….

However, I’ve made it to the weekend.

And ended on a relative high; very good lesson role playing Treaty of Versailles negotiations, finally got booklet of sources to repro and got some marking done (small highs are good 🙂 ).

My condition is frustrating to say the least. However, it has taught me to be resilient and to keep going. I will survive until the better times come and the better times always do come again.

So onwards and upwards. Only two weeks till Xmas hols. Hurray…..!!!!!

Now for sleep…………………zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Hypermobility, anxiety, trust and friendship

Anxiety seems very common in people with hypermobility…..there are lots of reasons why.

But one core idea that resonates with me is that we know anything can make our condition worse and we have no control over our wonky bodies. We are generally in pain and tired all the time, we are functioning at the edge of our limitations most of the time. We need to plan ahead to make life function and live a normal live. We don’t know if our body will suddenly get injured and cause more pain.

I try to live a full life; work, study, friendships. The only way I function is by mentally planning my week in advances. Stuff needs completing in times allotted or I struggle to cope and keep on top of everything. This doesn’t mean I can’t and won’t make last minutes changes if needs be. Especially if a friend or family member is in need -I would and frequently do under go additional effort and face the consequences without a thought.

But for routine events I need to know in advance of changes. I work and function great when I know we’re I stand.

Linked to this, the anxiety means I have little self esteem. I can quite easily understand people wanting to not spend time with a dysfunctional person.

It’s really hard for me to confide and reach out to people. If I’ve made an effort to be friendly it means I think you are a nice person. If you’ve shown me you want to spend time with me and I’ve got over the shock of this I will slowly start to trust you more. But this takes a lot of courage. When people are distracted for all sorts of reasons, often illness or demands of life, my black dog is liable to make me worry I’ve done something wrong.

I know this is stupid which doesn’t make me feel any better. I am actually good at reading emotions except when things like this are concerned. I can tell something is up but I may struggle to work out why…and act logically.

My best friends, whom is amazing, I know is busy in term time with work or family, I know we meet in the hols and that’s fine. I know the parameters. I also know she’s there for me if I really need her.

Actually, I say this and I wonder why people might want to be my friends. But I also think despite my faults I am a good friend. I’m loyal and caring and kind. I would do anything for my family and friends.

I know what it’s like to be tired, overstretched, sad, stress, unsure and in pain. I go through that most of the time. I never ever would want to make things worse for anyone and will want to try and help. I know that often a lot can not be done. But just having people check your okay can help.

During a very difficult period last year I felt crap physically and emotionally and wanted to withdraw. I didn’t want to socialise. But people did what they could to help. The fact so many people, were so nice helped in a way.

I can be an amazing person and friend when I know were I stand and what’s going on. You might on occasions have to bare with me and my wobbles (for which I am sorry). But likewise my family and friends mean the world to me and I’ll always be there to have a laugh or cry and to try to help in my own unique and well intended (if not always helpful) way.

35

A.A. Milne

So its my last weekend of the freedom of the summer hols. I’ve been back at work a few weeks part-time but term begins with a full two day induction on Monday for the new AS’s.

I’ve had a deliberately extended approach to the hols – I know the additional stress, pain and illness that normally comes with winter is fast approaching…

However, the summer always comes again.

The artwork clip is from my favourite song Stay Alive.

My birthday weekend and the last weekend before I begin teaching, thus seemed a good end to my summer hols.

A pleasant lazy weekend beginning with Halle Orchestra at Lincoln Cathedral. Beautiful music in beautiful surroundings.

Then a lazy day with a nap, family meal and evening at pub with friends.

Tomorrow (day) since it is currently early hours of morning more socialising. 🙂

So interesting idea – what are my birthday/new academic year resolutions??

  1. Look after myself properly.
  2. Have more self-confidence
  3. Enjoy experimenting with new teaching ideas.
  4. Have fun!
  5. Be braver and follow my gut instincts.
  6. Continue to try and understand people more…
  7. To remember ‘Dawn is coming’ and things will get better even in the hardest times….

London Ahoy!

London Ahoy!

Hello

Very short post to say I will not be posting for a week as I am London Ahoy tomorrow.

I’m planning to fill it with catching up with friends, and visiting museums, pubs and parks.

My knees and ankles are misbehaving but will still be exploring with lots of pit-stops.

See you soon.

My Summer 10

smt

I have seen a few summer ten lists and thinking they are a good idea.

I have already been on holiday for a few weeks as the FE College I work at finishes earlier than school but I still think it is a good idea.

Winter is always a difficult time of year for me with my joints and tiredness but I have also suffered prolonged periods of ill-health during the last two winters which have meant I have turned into a complete social hermit and had no social life for months.

I keep a Facebook journal of my summer hols so that I have something fun to look back at during the difficult winter months.

I knew I planned to keep up with friends and family, rest, learn about social media and have fun. However, two things today have made me re-consider my aims for the summer (and into next academic year).

The sudden death of my younger cousin pushed me into applying and finally getting into teaching, which is the career I really wanted to pursue. I bounced through my first year but the last two years have being very difficult.

My JHMS means I am in constant pain and have to push myself to work. But I have realised I have come to accept as normal feeling rotten and useless. I need to respect my body’s limits and achieve a better life/work balance. In my hospital appointment today I was effectively told I must take better care of myself.

Today I have also read a moving blog about a father who put his work before his family and his relationship with his son suffered. I do not have children but I frequently put work before family, I get annoyed when asked to do something when I have piles of work to do and only a limited energy levels. A few days ago my sister asked why it had being so long since we had a heart to heart and I have enjoyed spending more time with her and my nephew these hols.

My summer 10:

  1. Sleeping
  2. Resting and not pushing my body too far
  3. Relaxing and finding time for me
  4. Catching up with friends and having fun
  5. Spending time with my family
  6. Doing stuff for pleasure i.e. reading and jewellery making
  7. Visiting places I want to (including but not limited to pubs and museums)
  8. Learning how to use social media
  9. Looking after myself
  10. Learning about the Tudors and preparing for next year….

What’s yours?